The Casual Cruelty of Positive Intent
| This poem explores the way that parents, carers, adopters, foster-carers, and others who work or live with children and teens, can, without ever raising a hand or in any direct way inflicting physical hurt on the child, still hurt the child with sarcasm, insults and other ways that cause the child deep pain and profound distress. 'sticks and stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me!' I am sure that your own experience tells you that the above is just not true. If I said you're a bad parent or carer, wouldn't my words have a negative impact? TeenTalk workshops teach parents and carers how to communicate with children adolescents and pre-teens in ways that do not add fuel to the fire. The following comments refer to teens whose behaviour has become quite extreme and who seem beyond control, and you're almost out of hope. If your child/ren are not at that stage yet, so much the better! The earlier you start using the techniques - especially the listening skills - the better you create a foundation for healthy discussion if future problems arise - and it's better to assume they will and develop skills and knowledge before hand. Do not attend If you are hoping that the workshops will give you empty promises quick-fixes, easy answers, magic bullets or false hope. They will not. They will offer specific approaches, guiding principles and practical techniques that, if you consistently put them into practice, will help you to stay calmer, behave and talk more assertively, and regain control over your home and life. Initialy, when you do that, your child is likely to get worse! Why? Maybe because they've got used to controlling you with emotional outbursts, threats, theft, aggression - maybe even violence. TeenTalk focuses on the people in the room, helping you to think differently about what's going on that keeps every one 'running on habit', and to do less of what's in the poem. There will be some theory on attachment and other issues, but the main focus will be on practical things that you can do even if you can't remember the theory when you're face to face with a teen who's learnt to terrorise. The workshops also devote some time recognising what you're doing well - just in case you feel so down about things that you've lost some of your self-etseem, or you wonder what's the point of it all. |