Whether the above is 'true' is less important to me than that when I choose to act as if it's true, I am better able to take responsibility for my 50per cent, and to be more accountable for the impact I have on other people.

I want to be 100% responsible for my 50% and I encourage an 'as if' frame of mind in all the people I coach, train and supervise. That's partly because I think it essential for people to be in control of and accountable for their emotional, physical and psychological states rather than be 'at the effect' of other people.

When we connect and communicate with others, we are 'simply' exchanging information and energy. Our verbal and non-verbal communication, our grimaces and gestures, our written and spoken words, transmitted and received, our sighs and blushes, our tears and rage, our cruelty and kindness, our reasons and rage ... all of these play their part in what we co-create as we engage with each other.

And everything we do is intended, either consciously or not, to achieve or avoid something (or both).

To achieve the outcomes we want, or avoid those we don't, we need the skills and resources for effectiveness, efficacy and efficiency. (see panel on right)

Being 'at the effect of' externals (people, traffic, weather, other people voices), is what keeps many people in a state of Victim Consciousness. Learning how to be 'at cause' rather than 'at effect' starts with awareness of
limiting beliefs and bedrock assumptions, and other thought patterns that prevent us being at our best.

Of course other people can and do affect us. The crafty approach does not absolve others of responsiblity for what they contribute to the ongoing process of connecting and communicating. Each of us is accountable for what we bring to the table, which is what the 50/50 highlights.  Choosing to take 50% responsibility and acting on that principle, results in less volatility, less reactivity and less defensiveness. It also enables us to be more confident, responsive, assertive, focused, and thoughtful - and to maintain the Yes attitude that comes from Intelligent Optimism.                                  

Moment by moment, we are making various choices, even if we choose to believe that we have little or no responsibility for what goes on in our head, heart and gut.

Three choices (decisions) that we make in every waking moment are:

• What we focus our attention on
• The meaning we give to what we're focusing on
• The action we take as a result of the first two choices

The word effective is sometimes used in a quantitative way, "being very or not much effective". However it does not inform on the direction (positive or negative) and the comparison to a standard of the given effect.

Efficacy, on the other hand, is the ability to produce a desired amount of the desired effect, or success in achieving a given goal.

Contrary to efficiency, the focus of efficacy is the achievement as such, not the resources spent in achieving the desired effect. Therefore, what is effective is not necessarily efficacious, and what is efficacious is not necessarily efficient.

An ordinary way to distinguish among effectiveness, efficacy, and efficiency:

• efficiency: doing things in the most economical way (good input to output ratio)
• efficacy: getting things done, i.e. meeting targets
• effectiveness: doing "right" things, i.e. setting right targets to achieve an overall goal (the effect)