The following was partly in response to this, hence the names mentioned: Lydia and Grampa

I agree with Lydia's observation that we are all looking for meaning, and heartily resonate with Grampa Ken’s idea that "Life is in the tissue of every day and hour".

Serving a purpose whilst grounded, in, and guided by principle is, I believe, how we find - or rather GIVE - meaning.

If we hope or, worse, believe that work will give meaning to our lives, or, as both Lydia and anonymous seem to suggest, define ourselves by the career we have or the job we lose, then we have already taken a wrong turn or, even worse, got stuck in a blind alley!

Viktor Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning (published in 1959 as From Death-Camp to Existentialism), relates his experiences as a concentration camp inmate. His psychotherapeutic method of finding meaning, and thus a reason to continue living, in even the most horrific kinds of existence.

Each of us is shaped, this way or that, by countless other people, be they close or distant, breathing or buried. Indeed, we only, literally, exist because of other people.

Biologically, obviously, but also, in the way our psychological, emotional, social and sexual selves are reinforced or rearranged through our actions, reactions, interactions and transactions.

We need to (re)connect with the essence of who we are, rather than endlessly act out the roles, scripts and programs that have been imposed upon us. To heal ourselves and make ourselves whole, we need to persist in developing autonomy, authenticity, independence, emotional and spiritual intelligence.

Spirit, for me, manifests as energy, attitude, either of which might be positive or negative, might be energised or enervated, might be life-enhancing or life-sapping.  I work on the assumption that everything is either an expression of love or a request for love. I also choose to believe that everything we do is motivated either by love or fear.

Love is expressed as a conscious choice to act in ways that manifest in other people’s senses as patience, generosity of spirit, the benefit of the doubt, compassion, kindness, concern, validation ... none of which requires that we like, agree with or accept what those people think, feel or do.

What prevents most of us from making that reconnection, first with self, then with others, is that most of us, to more or less degree, have been hurt in some way.

Much of the hurt is insignificant, trivial and ephemeral. Some of it, for some people, is so profound; it dims the light, blights the soul, saps the spirit, diminishes the sense of self and breaks the heart!

For some, the hurt is so profound, their self-esteem so diminished, that it turns into self-hatred.

Self hatred is obvious in many ways, the most obvious being self-harm that ensues from the many ways we treat our bodies, minds, spirits, relationships and other gifts with contempt e.g. by poisoning and abusing them with our habits and addictions. Another symptom and evidence of self-hatred is the way we are hateful to others, not least our children, by which I mean all the children in the world who are hungry for - starved of – physical, emotional, psychological, social and spiritual nourishment!

Unacknowledged and unrecognised hurt and hate directly impact on our head, heart and gut.

Symptoms manifest in the many addictions that we develop in order to avoid feeling the hurt and hate: nicotine, alcohol, violence, promiscuity, fanaticism, miserliness, consumerism etc.

Underpinning all those pernicious habits is the pervasive Call to Comfort, which underpins and undermines so much of what we think, feel and do that is to our own and other people’s detriment.

When hurt and hate are not resolved, we might well look outside ourselves for the solution. For The Answer! We seek pills and potions, therapists, coaches, medics, etc., with hope in our hearts.

If the underlying issues are unaddressed, even if we get what we hope for, it is already contaminated. We may reduce or eliminate the symptoms with prescribed or elicit substances and abusive or therapeutic relationships, but the underlying hurt and hate remain, and will fester until, like a boil, they erupt in some noxious way.

Healing is required if we are to transcend hurt and hate, and to make hope meaningful. We can‘t be healed yesterday and we won’t be healed tomorrow!

Healing can only happen NOW! And probably not when we are full of the joys of life – it’s easy when it’s easy! – but when we are awash with and aware of feelings of hurt and hate, and choose not to act on those feelings.

That does not mean we should be ashamed of our feelings or retreat, timid and guilty, doing nothing about whatever instils or restimulates  our fear, shame, guilt and hatred. It might mean that we choose a time to confront, challenge or change the way world is when it is not as we would wish it.

The simplest, and perhaps most difficult way to change the world for the better is to be the way we’d like the world to be.

I’d like the world, by which I mean you and me, to act and interact more craftily i.e.
Caring, Responsive, Attentive, Flexible, Thoughtful, Intelligent, loving – with a Yes attitude.

When we can manage that, we are better able to be inclusive, to recognise the interconnectedness of everything and every one. And, hopefully, even if we can’t manage or change the bigger things or address the bigger issues, we can certainly let others finish their sentences; celebrate their positive intentions, even if things go wrong; accept the validity of their ideas long enough to ask a few questions with genuine curiosity; to give them the benefit of the doubt – without being foolish.

Doing that is the last – and the first stage of the journey from Hurt to Wholeness

Go well