NEEDS & DRIVERS
Much of what we do is intended to meet certain needs, or is a learned/ programmed/ scripted/ predictable response to real or imagined threats. Feeling threatened, we tend to think, feel and behave in patterned and habitual ways that, we hope, will enable us to survive the real, imagined or remebered danger.
When our thoughts, feelings and actions are prompted by Drivers, we are often in fear-fuelled {ego} states of (co)-dependency. The adapted Child will either rebel against or comply with the Parent (Ego-state). If we comply with the negative Critical Parent then, by [TA] definition, we will be acting one or more roles on the Victim / Rescuer / Persecutor Drama Triangle.
Drivers are internal auditory anchors for archaic survival strategies that hold us hostage to childhood.
These patterned attempts to meet the needs, or to survive threats to our emotional, physical, psychological, physical, psychic or spiritual survival, can be played out in counselling or supervision sessions, training events, whinge sessions, classrooms, team meetings or any other situation where people act, react, transact and interact.
BEING DRIVEN
Be Perfect Be Strong Try Hard Hurry Up Please Others
Many people’s survival strategies DRIVE them to think, feel and behave in ways that result in significant stress. When this driven behaviour becomes habitual, it is self perpetuating and the stress accumulates to the point of distress.
When people’s distress patterns prevail, the limiting beliefs that underpin and reinforce ‘Drivers’ literally compel undesirable and unhealthy behaviours, impair communication, impact on personal and professional relationships and further exacerbate stress.
Work becomes tedious, meeting become onerous, relationships become difficult and job satisfaction is, at best, minimal.
Think of ‘Drivers’ as internal messages that keep us trapped in strategies that were necessary when we were truly dependent on others, mainly parents or parent figures, for our emotional, physical, psychological well-being.
Of course Drivers continue to serve a purpose; the problem is that they also keep us trapped in patterns that, ultimately, do not serve the best of what we can be as intelligent, experienced adult human beings.
In short, Drivers inhibit Emotional Intelligence by reducing self-awareness, self-management, self motivation, social awareness and relationship management...
Drivers can make us predictable, anxious, fretful, fearful and timid. They can drive us to threaten or sulk in our attempts to manipulate others. They can keep us silent when we need to speak – adult to adult – or make us talk when it would be better to stay quiet and to listen instead!
Drivers lead us into blind alleys, cause us to persist in repetitive and
futile squabbles, make us very mean-spirited or exceedingly narrow minded. They
result in bigotry, prejudice and psycho-sclerosis (a hardening of the
attitudes!).
There are six Drivers, determined in childhood as a set of values and
beliefs underpinning behaviour that helps to maintain important relationships.
Many (most?) people have a tendency to conflate beliefs and values in such a way that the idea of fundamental (personal) change is anathema to them, so reducing the effects of Drivers is not at all easy.
However, it is possible and the cost of NOT doing something about them is high – maybe even terminal!
Witness how many people continue to behave in ways they know to be
highly dangerous and potentially lethal e.g. prescribed and illicit intake of
toxic substances.
It is potentially life-affirming to recognise how your own and other
people’s Drivers affect states of mind and the quality of any communication. It
is also useful to learn how to be more effective in your dealings with others –
and with yourself - by becoming less Driven. INJUNCTIONS