Curious

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother
to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift would be curiosity. 
Eleanor Roosevelt

The essence of Curiosity is a sense of wonder. Too often we tell people what we think they ought to know, instead of gathering high value information that helps them find answers and resources for themselves. This usually leaves all parties so frustrated, that fight, flight or freeze seem the only options.

To move or motivate people, to coach them in the healthy art of constructive selfishness, we need to understand or intuit how they arrived at this point in their journey, and determine what keeps them stuck.
Skilful curiosity, which involves judicious questioning of the kind that Nancy Kline, James Lawley, Penny Tomkins, Susan Scott and others advocate and teach, can unlock potential so that energy flows freely.
Kline’s Thinking Session from which comes the superb question
“What else do you think, feel or want to say about that?” encourages people to think more clearly and speak more intelligibly.

Also powerful are David Grove’s Clean Language questions “And what kind of [all or some of their words] is that [their words]?
Or “And whereabouts is that [their words]? Or “And what happens just before [their words]?
Or “And when [their words] what would you like to have happen?

Penny Tompkins and James Lawley have modelled the Grovian model and linked it with symbolic modelling.
Being asked “That’s a [their words] like what?” can reveal potentially liberating metaphorical insights that disclose the vast richness of a metaphorical mindscape.

Who Knows?
Who Cares?
Who Can?

The impact of using [their words] e.g. “And what happens just before you [see red and hit out]?” or, “And what kind of [red] is that red?” can be profound, extraordinary and remarkable.
I strongly recommend the Clean Language website, publication and courses.Ponder – or remember - how it is to gaze upon the world with the eyes of a curious child; to be transfixed by dewdrops on cobwebs, transported by the colours of the rainbow, enchanted by the magic of neologisms, or words heard for the first time, the delight of discovering new or hidden meanings, nuances, subtleties in books or conversations.

Crafty listening encourages such an attitude in every day discourse, debate or argument. Being able and willing to put aside, even momentarily, what we imagine or assume, so that our questions might elicit fresh information instead of a cul-de-sac of confirmation,is a gift to the other person and liberating for us.

Sadly and ironically, the shadows and echoes of childhood and adolescence generate fear of critical disapproval that prevents many people from seeing the familiar in new ways, from listening with an open mind. Looking foolish, feeling rejected or ridiculed, frightens and freezes people so much that they forever shy away from the new, the different, the strange, confining themselves to
the narrow comfort zone of the path most travelled!At work or at home, in love affairs, teams meetings, in recent or long-established relationships, many people resist any challenges to their world view, defending their bedrock assumptions and cherished maps against all ‘attacks’ by trying to persuade or bully others to their version of events.

I prefer to stay curious and keep questing rather than lose a sense of wonder!

Remain curious; constantly ask questions of yourself and of others, even if you are not always able to satisfy your curiosity. As with so many attitudes and actions that underpin crafty listening, both competence and confidence (will and skill) are necessary.

Discovering that we are not up to the task (conscious incompetence) can make
us reluctant to put in the effort because we don't know whether we'll get a good enough return on our investment!

It is more than useful to [be able to] ask questions to which we don’t [think we] already know the answers. Questions that are not predicated on our own ‘maps’ (metaphors, assumptions, paradigms and sensibilities).