Crafty Listening   

Criticism vs Feedback

BASHING Whenever! General Evaluative Fuzzy Past oriented Seeks 'blame' Tough on person

BUILDING ASAP Specific Descriptive Clear Future focused Seeks solutions Tough on issues

Y not Y?

Questions beginning with 'Why?' and why not to ask them!

Consider the most likely reaction to questions beginning with ‘why?’ Defensiveness!
And how much more likely is such a reaction when asked by people with power or authority.

If someone goes on the defensive, it impairs their ability to think clearly, which can have a detrimental effect on e.g. their ability to concentrate, listen, adapt or compromise.

That should be reason enough to avoid questions starting with ‘why?’ There are, of course, adults who want to instil fear and trepidation in others, but there is always the risk of retaliation. Who will be first to contain and control their own state and function rationally?

It is also worth bearing in mind that all behaviours have multiple pasts and possible futures.

Whatever action we choose to take will have an immediate past: “What happened just before you lost it[1]?” Our behaviour will also be influenced by our perception, interpretation and connection with recent and distant biographical, ancestral and cultural history.

Every behaviour, whether we are aware of it or not, is intended either to avoid and/or achieve something in the immediate, short and longer term future.

Knowing how the past impacts on current behaviour can help people to reconsider old paradigms or make better choices.

If we know what people are trying to avoid, we can help dispel nameless fears and negative hallucinations. Knowing what they are hoping to achieve can provide information that might help to motivate and inspire them.