Crafty Listening
Curious Responsive Assertive Focused Thoughtful YES!

Integrity is, of course, an optional extra!
Michael Mallows

The negative connotations of ‘crafty’ e.g. deviousness and manipulation, under-handedness, deception, cunning or wiliness are countered by such qualities as skillfulness, dexterity, ingenuity, subtlety; surely the very essence of rapport building?

Crafty listening is useful wherever - and with who ever - we choose to take responsibility for what we contribute to the quality and process of our communication.

By actively seeking to understand where other people are ‘coming from’ and where they would like to go, we can facilitate them to express their fears and anxieties or their hopes and disappointments. That way, communication and connectedness are more likely to happen. And that, in principle and on purpose, is what crafty listening facilitates.

This is not altruistic self-denial, but enlightened self-interest. Enlightened because – potentially at least - it banishes shadows, helping all parties to see more clearly. And self-interest because, on the premise that ‘we are in it together’, replacing ‘me’ with ‘we’, helps us to dismantle barriers and build bridges across differences. That way, together, we can move towards a mutually beneficial and desirable future! Maybe we won't get there, but what's to stop us behaving with decency and dignity along the way? No, really, what's to stop us?

Three Choices

  • Although we might not be aware of it, every waking moment, we are making three choices.

    • We choose what to focus our attention on

    • We choose the meaning we'll ascribe to what we're focusing on

    • We choose what action to take in response to the first two choices

Many people do not know they are making choices because they do not know there is a choice to be made. That is, among other reasons, because practically every breath they breathe, every heart beat, every thought or decision is determined by externals. When we are 'at the effect of', we live 'outside in'!

We believe that we are neither The Cause of nor responsible for anything that goes on in our head, heart or gut, we simply react, again and again, in the same old, same old way, endlessly rerunning the same old movie, re-telling the same old story, rehearsing the same old script, rehashing the same old hurts, running on habit, repeating the same old mistakes...repeating the same old ...repeating the same  ... repeating ... well, I think you get the idea

Four Choices

When we feel attacked, or under siege, we have four ways of reacting: fight, flee, freeze or flow.  Crafty listening is about flow, about continuous progression, moving freely and being abundantly present! That is, we are in the moment, with our minds focused; we give full attention, mindfully and respectfully. We feel resourceful, breathe properly, drink enough water and are considerate of the moment, the future, other people and, not least, ourselves.

Indeed, a spirit of abundant presence rather nicely sums up the energy that fuels the crafty listener and the motivation that impels hir. Done well and for benign and abundant reasons, crafty listening encourages other people to be abundantly present so that we can devote energy to co-creating a spirit of abundance in the space that grows between us

Extraordinary things, miracles of transformation, even the journey from Hurt to Wholeness, can ensue from such encounters.

Of course, we still have to deal with the reality of people and situations that cause pain and pressure, and the niceties of crafty listening might seem somewhat idealistic. Well, they are and I am idealistic.

As to whether integrity is an optional extra; can you say that you always behave according to your declared principles? That you always speak your truth? When you are looking into a mirror or sitting on the loo, or wide awake as the rest of the world slumbers, can you truthfully say to yourself that you never kept quiet when you needed to speak, that you always ask for what you want even knowing it might be refused? That you behave the way [you say] you'd like the world to be?

If you do, do you see, hear and feel that others follow your example?

I can! You can! We will!